Sumez | 2,968 Posted April 27, 2021 Share Posted April 27, 2021 I feel like we're missing a massive part of this story. Like, what did your friend do that was so bad? What is the secret that he kept from you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fcgamer | 4,729 Posted April 27, 2021 Share Posted April 27, 2021 21 minutes ago, Sumez said: I feel like we're missing a massive part of this story. Like, what did your friend do that was so bad? What is the secret that he kept from you? Maybe the friend and the girl wanted to start their own relationship? I saw that happen way back in the day, with a friend from hs, a few years later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Morbis | 2,090 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 17 hours ago, Sumez said: I feel like we're missing a massive part of this story. Like, what did your friend do that was so bad? What is the secret that he kept from you? Reading between the lines, it seems that his SO started cheating on him, then confessed to a mutual friend, who then kept her confidence and did not disclose this information to him until after it was out in the open. At least, that's my interpretation. And one could further speculate that she came out to the mutual friend in the hopes that he would betray her trust and inform him of what was happening so that she would not have to broach the subject herself... 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 hours ago, Dr. Morbis said: Reading between the lines, it seems that his SO started cheating on him, then confessed to a mutual friend, who then kept her confidence and did not disclose this information to him until after it was out in the open. At least, that's my interpretation. And one could further speculate that she came out to the mutual friend in the hopes that he would betray her trust and inform him of what was happening so that she would not have to broach the subject herself... Ahhhhhh!!!! This is the piece of the puzzle I was missing, I didn't think about this. Yeah, if it turned out that she was cheating and the friend knew but didn't say, THAT would be a HUGE faux par. I thought it was just confiding or something, which I think is kinda okay. But if he knew she was cheating on him and said nothing, THAT is fucked up. As soon as someone cheats, they can't possibly expect that to be held in confidence from their SO, it's called CHEATING for a reason. All the normal "rules" go out the window if someone is cheating, there is no way the friend should have kept THAT secret. If that is true, he made a LITERAL cuck of you, no friend should let their friend be cucked. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gloves | 11,795 Administrator · Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 5 minutes ago, OptOut said: ...THAT would be a HUGE faux par... "faux pas" 1 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 Just now, Gloves said: "faux pas" Alright FRENCHIE! Darn Canadians, getting all French up in here... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_wizard_666 | 1,325 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 8 hours ago, OptOut said: Alright FRENCHIE! Darn Canadians, getting all French up in here... Dude, he's not from Quebec. Almost nobody outside of politics speaks French in the rest of Canada. (staff edit) 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 1 minute ago, the_wizard_666 said: Dude, he's not from Quebec. Almost nobody outside of politics speaks French in the rest of Canada. I calls em as I sees em. Dude corrects my french, he's fuggin FRENCH! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_wizard_666 | 1,325 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 8 hours ago, OptOut said: I calls em as I sees em. Dude corrects my french, he's fuggin FRENCH! OOOOOOORRRRRRR he corrected a typo in a French phrase long appropriated into the English language. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faux pas Many words and phrases in English are taken from many other languages. It's part of what makes English such a complicated language. So again, (staff edit) 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 Just now, the_wizard_666 said: OOOOOOORRRRRRR he corrected a typo in a French phrase long appropriated into the English language. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faux pas Many words and phrases in English are taken from many other languages. It's part of what makes English such a complicated language. So again, OHHHHHHHH!!! I SEEEEEEEE!!! This changes everything. Oh wait, no, I don't care. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gundam00 | 6 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 Ok, let's break a few things down here based on what is known: 1) This is a classic "triangle" trust problem, except the triangle is already broken. Girl trusts friend. Friend trusts girl. Girl does NOT trust boyfriend. By circumventing the boyfriend, she has excluded the boyfriend from the situation. The girl was accepting gifts and items while knowing, or planning, whatever caused the issue. Therefore, instead of going to the boyfriend and talking about it, she was deceitful. Why I can not say as I have no idea. This is important as now the friend is stuck in this "loop" since the boyfriend has been removed. Even though the friend is "fighting" for the boyfriend, the friend should have stopped it right then and there as there is a trust in place between the friend and boyfriend. By keeping the secrets, the trust is violated. By willing to lie/cover up, it opens the door to what else is being lied about/covered up as the trust is broken. You fight for your friends by being good friends to them at all times and vise verse even when the situation is shit. 2) The "friend" should have been honest to both the girl and boyfriend. When approached, about whatever, he should have stopped it immediately and told her to "knock it off, tell BF as I will". The friend should have stopped the knowledge from being passed to him because: A) Don't meddle in people's relationships. B) Don't get involved in secrets between friends. Violating both of these, or either, will lead to bad situations. OP: That sucks, I'm sorry. Take time for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_wizard_666 | 1,325 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 You neglect the part about "Friend is also friends with girl." I have been in the friend's situation many times, and the best course of action is to simply listen to both, and keep the confidence of all parties. It sucks sometimes because you know shit that the other party should know, but to be a good friend to both, you have to keep the confidence of both. And yes, that means knowing shit the other person should be privy to but not saying anything because that would violate the trust given by the one who confided in you. The only thing I see that the friend did wrong was he divulged anything after the fact. And in every situation, every party knows I am someone they can ask for advice, or confide in, and that I'd keep that confidence even when it hurts me to do so. Sounds to me that the OP is pissed that the dude didn't divulge whatever it was that she confided to him, at least before it became known to him. If he was boning the girl, then this goes out the window because he broke that bond of friendship with the OP. But if all he did was not tell him her secrets, the OP is being a twat, pure and simple. Sure, he has a right to feel hurt and angry because his friend knew shit that he didn't about his relationship, but it was also NOT his friend's place to tell him. And with no information as to what the details are, there's no way to say whether the OP is justified in cutting the dude out or if he's being an immature asshat. Simply put, there's not enough information here to fairly weigh in on the details, but based on what information was provided, I'd say the friend did nothing wrong and the OP needs to suck it up and deal with it. Until there's more to go on, that's where it stays as far as I'm concerned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, the_wizard_666 said: You neglect the part about "Friend is also friends with girl." I have been in the friend's situation many times, and the best course of action is to simply listen to both, and keep the confidence of all parties. It sucks sometimes because you know shit that the other party should know, but to be a good friend to both, you have to keep the confidence of both. And yes, that means knowing shit the other person should be privy to but not saying anything because that would violate the trust given by the one who confided in you. The only thing I see that the friend did wrong was he divulged anything after the fact. And in every situation, every party knows I am someone they can ask for advice, or confide in, and that I'd keep that confidence even when it hurts me to do so. Sounds to me that the OP is pissed that the dude didn't divulge whatever it was that she confided to him, at least before it became known to him. If he was boning the girl, then this goes out the window because he broke that bond of friendship with the OP. But if all he did was not tell him her secrets, the OP is being a twat, pure and simple. Sure, he has a right to feel hurt and angry because his friend knew shit that he didn't about his relationship, but it was also NOT his friend's place to tell him. And with no information as to what the details are, there's no way to say whether the OP is justified in cutting the dude out or if he's being an immature asshat. Simply put, there's not enough information here to fairly weigh in on the details, but based on what information was provided, I'd say the friend did nothing wrong and the OP needs to suck it up and deal with it. Until there's more to go on, that's where it stays as far as I'm concerned. I think this is basically true, but only up until the point that there is cheating involved, ESPECIALLY if it is ongoing cheating. Once that line is crossed, the friend is essentially forced to pick a side. If he doesn't tell his friend, he has picked the girl's side, defacto, because withholding that kind of devastating information from his friend is party to hurting his friend. Anything lower on the scale, there is wiggle room, but with the cheating aspect, he is not your friend if he doesn't tell you, he has chosen his friendship with her above you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_wizard_666 | 1,325 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, OptOut said: I think this is basically true, but only up until the point that there is cheating involved, ESPECIALLY if it is ongoing cheating. Once that line is crossed, the friend is essentially forced to pick a side. If he doesn't tell his friend, he has picked the girl's side, defacto, because withholding that kind of devastating information from his friend is party to hurting his friend. Anything lower on the scale, there is wiggle room, but with the cheating aspect, he is not your friend if he doesn't tell you, he has chosen his friendship with her above you. I disagree to a point. If he had independently discovered it, I would agree with you, but if she confided her indiscretions to him because she trusted him enough to ask advice or just to get it off her chest, he at least needs to give her the chance to come clean herself. I would never break that trust, and would never expect anyone else to either. That said, all we know is that he allegedly advocated for him, which to me reads like she was going to him seeking advice on what to do, likely in regard to ending the relationship. Nothing about that suggests any sort of infidelity, so the entire argument is moot anyway. She went to her friend to complain about her boyfriend, and then broke it off. That's literally all we know. So yeah, given the known information, the OP is the only one in the wrong here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gundam00 | 6 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, the_wizard_666 said: You neglect the part about "Friend is also friends with girl." I have been in the friend's situation many times, and the best course of action is to simply listen to both, and keep the confidence of all parties. It sucks sometimes because you know shit that the other party should know, but to be a good friend to both, you have to keep the confidence of both. And yes, that means knowing shit the other person should be privy to but not saying anything because that would violate the trust given by the one who confided in you. The only thing I see that the friend did wrong was he divulged anything after the fact. And in every situation, every party knows I am someone they can ask for advice, or confide in, and that I'd keep that confidence even when it hurts me to do so. Sounds to me that the OP is pissed that the dude didn't divulge whatever it was that she confided to him, at least before it became known to him. If he was boning the girl, then this goes out the window because he broke that bond of friendship with the OP. But if all he did was not tell him her secrets, the OP is being a twat, pure and simple. Sure, he has a right to feel hurt and angry because his friend knew shit that he didn't about his relationship, but it was also NOT his friend's place to tell him. And with no information as to what the details are, there's no way to say whether the OP is justified in cutting the dude out or if he's being an immature asshat. Simply put, there's not enough information here to fairly weigh in on the details, but based on what information was provided, I'd say the friend did nothing wrong and the OP needs to suck it up and deal with it. Until there's more to go on, that's where it stays as far as I'm concerned. I didn't neglect it. It forms the triangle of trust that is created between the three of them. It doesn't matter which way the triangle goes. The boyfriend/friend can easily flip it to the girl and boyfriend/girl to the friend. Everything else I don't agree with at all. But that is neither here nor there and to each there own. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 1 minute ago, the_wizard_666 said: I disagree to a point. If he had independently discovered it, I would agree with you, but if she confided her indiscretions to him because she trusted him enough to ask advice or just to get it off her chest, he at least needs to give her the chance to come clean herself. I would never break that trust, and would never expect anyone else to either. That said, all we know is that he allegedly advocated for him, which to me reads like she was going to him seeking advice on what to do, likely in regard to ending the relationship. Nothing about that suggests any sort of infidelity, so the entire argument is moot anyway. She went to her friend to complain about her boyfriend, and then broke it off. That's literally all we know. So yeah, given the known information, the OP is the only one in the wrong here. Yeah, obviously there are ways to go about things in the case of infidelity, such as encouraging the girl to fess up first, and ways to negotiate the dual friendships in a way that doesn't see either totally blow up... It's not like AS SOON as she cheats or confesses to cheating the dude IMMEDIATELY phones you up or something. And, obviously if you are more friends with her anyway, or there are other mitigating factors that change the equilibrium then those must be considered too, for example, one-off drunken mistake kind of cheating is not AS bad to keep a secret (although still sucks). But, in a simple case of ongoing cheating, where you are theoretically equal friends with both people, the longer you let it continue without saying something, the more harm you are doing to your friend. Also, yea, as you say, we don't know that cheating WAS involved in this case, not even sure we will find out, but he does seem VERY upset, so I would assume it wasn't just a dude chatting with his GF about her favourite Marvel movies or whatever, lol! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammerfestus | 3,860 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 This thread was confusing to begin with and now apparently there’s a Nazi in here? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagusSmurf | 577 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 6 hours ago, Hammerfestus said: This thread was confusing to begin with and now apparently there’s a Nazi in here? I take it you too are committed to making this thread more confusing by not explaining what you're talking about in sufficient detail. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captmorgandrinker | 1,649 Administrator · Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 26 minutes ago, MagusSmurf said: I take it you too are committed to making this thread more confusing by not explaining what you're talking about in sufficient detail. We edited some unnecessary memes out of a few posts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docile tapeworm | 4,203 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, captmorgandrinker said: We edited some unnecessary memes out of a few posts. i just wanna know if that user got 5 warning points like me 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearcat-Doug | 5,105 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 5 hours ago, docile tapeworm said: i just wanna know if that user got 5 warning points like me If it makes you feel better, your memes always help me understand stuff. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docile tapeworm | 4,203 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 40 minutes ago, Bearcat-Doug said: If it makes you feel better, your memes always help me understand stuff. hell ya!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagusSmurf | 577 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 7 hours ago, captmorgandrinker said: We edited some unnecessary memes out of a few posts. Oh. Guess that explains why I could Nazi what he he was talking about. Sorry hammerfestus! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_wizard_666 | 1,325 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 2 hours ago, MagusSmurf said: Oh. Guess that explains why I could Nazi what he he was talking about. Sorry hammerfestus! They were a couple old "That's Racist" memes. Guess they won't fly here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptOut | 8,889 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 43 minutes ago, the_wizard_666 said: They were a couple old "That's Racist" memes. Guess they won't fly here. It turns out the REAL racist was the racist inside you, all along! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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