An Incident at the Open Mic

[fcgamer | 4,754]

I just came back from performing at an open mic tonight, and an incident that had occurred earlier in the night is still on my mind, so I'd like to get some thoughts on it.

I arrived at the venue first, and my bandmate was running late and said that he would arrive in about half an hour. There are plenty of tables as it is early, and so I put my guitar and gear at one table, grab a beer, and then cycle back and forth between the table and the front to watch the musicians perform, who are mostly buddies of mine. Once the bandmate arrives, we'll settle down into the table to get dinner, then perform later, as we have done so many times before.

About ten minutes before my friend is going to arrive, I see that a local couple are sitting at my table, and they moved my guitar and gear away from the table to the other end of the room. I considered what to do, but decided just to walk over, sit down at the table, and see what happened next.

The two people were surprised, and the man asked me what I was doing there, why I was sitting down. I asked him if he saw that guitar, then asked him if he moved it, and he said that he did. I told him it was my stuff, and that this was the table I was sitting at, and that my bandmates were going to be arriving soon. That being said, I told him as that since only one other guy was coming, and since the restaurant was crowded and that the table could house four people comfortably, he and his wife / date / fwb could stay. I had no issue with that, especially considering how sharing tables in crowded restaurants is quite common here, at least back a few generations (according to cultural guides and textbooks). I explained all of this in Mandarin.

The man said nothing to me, I figured things were done and fine, but about five minutes later a waiter came out and asked me if there were some kind of problem. I looked at him, quite confused, and said "No, there isn't a problem, what are you talking about?" Then he explained that when the man had gotten up to place his order, he complained that I was sitting at the table. I explained the whole situation, the waiter then proceeded to kick the pair out of the table and push them upstairs (they weren't there to watch or enjoy the music, anyways) and he apologized profusely to me, chalking it all up as one big misunderstanding. Even though in the end I "won", some others I know wondered why I was pissed about the situation and the outcome, which I'll discuss below.

I try to be a considerate person. The pair could have taken the table by accident (though moving the guitar and equipment certainly wasn't), and then when I came over, sat down, and explained things, it should have been made crystal clear to them what had happened. I wasn't angry, didn't start throwing out f bombs or anything, rather just said I would be sitting there and my bandmate would be sitting there too, but as we were to go on next, likely they could enjoy their dinner for the bulk of the time and we wouldn't even be in their hair. It's peace, it's harmony, it's people of all ethnicities holding hands and singing and dancing. To then go and complain to wait staff though and make it out like there is a "dispute" or "problem", without even saying a word to me about it first...that's my issue. We're all grown-ass adults here (or at least I thought), why not act like adults, open your mouth and say something if you have an issue, especially when the guy across from you already tried to meet you more than half way by speaking your own language to you...

[fcgamer | 4,754]

On an entirely different note, if the guy was taking his lady friend there for a magical dinner, this was the wrong restaurant to choose, as the food is terrible and the only reason anyone goes there is for the music

[Hammerfestus | 3,890]

Who does that?  Dude’s a sicko.

[Tabonga | 2,344]

Maybe the guy thought the stuff on the table belonged to the people performing and figured it would be no big deal - if that was the case he should have sat down and talked to the perfomers between songs.

After that though he was totally in the wrong - maybe he thought the waitstaff would side with whatever story he fed them since you were a foreigner. (Not stopping to think that maybe, just maybe, the waitstaff had seen you there prevously??)

Buttheads come in all stripes and you get to deal with them sometimes.

 

[FireHazard51 | 2,053]

Yeah I'm going to pick all of the above.  You are both wrong and both should be better and known better.  I'm sure the waiter though both of you guys were asses and both handled the situation incorrectly.  But if you are looking for a "win", I'd totally stay they fucked up first.

[Tanooki | 4,953]

Second one, because where you were, there, at that time, and with the equipment being moved by someone else other than you puts them in the wrong.  They could have shared, but they decided to go tactical nuclear to get you removed and instead the prevailing winds blew the fallout back on them.  But, had this table been on here, yes, it's your fault and you're always wrong.

[Tabonga | 2,344]

1 hour ago, Tanooki said:

But, had this table been on here, yes, it's your fault and you're always wrong.

He should change his screen name to Wrong Way Corrigan.

[Gloves | 11,842]

@fcgamer @Tanooki

The victim complex BS needs to stop; stuff like this...

and this

1 hour ago, Tanooki said:

But, had this table been on here, yes, it's your fault and you're always wrong.

Are just totally uncalled for. It's not funny, it's not a joke, and it's aggravating to literally everyone. Nobody wants to have to walk on eggshells, it's getting tiring. 

[fcgamer | 4,754]

6 hours ago, Gloves said:

@fcgamer @Tanooki

The victim complex BS needs to stop; stuff like this...

and this

Are just totally uncalled for. It's not funny, it's not a joke, and it's aggravating to literally everyone. Nobody wants to have to walk on eggshells, it's getting tiring. 

Oof, I start one thread and head to bed, then wake up to hearing that all hell had broken loose and that one has to call a sweepers crew...all whilst...I was sleeping?

The third choice on the poll was meant to be tongue in cheek, I'm not sure how that went over anyone's head, and to go a bit further, no, I wouldn't have been offended by people choosing that option.

Secondly, let's establish something and put an end to it right here and now: sitting behind your computer at however many miles away your home is from mine, you might see some sort of victim complex coming from me, but in actuality, I don't have anything of the sort (go read the above paragraph about the choice in the poll being made as a joke).

Regarding the situation last night, I personally have established in the set of guidelines of social norms a few things:

1. in the west (not sure about in Asia), people can get really funny about others touching or moving their (possibly expensive) musical gear

2. Where I live, it is quite common for people to leave their keys or something small on a table to "hold it" whilst they are in the building, but not actually sitting at the table.

Therefore, I personally didn't see anything wrong with talking with what I did given the situation, but seeing the resulting mentality on the other guy's part (essentially tattling on me, despite all of the above) it just made me wonder if perhaps I was missing something, which someone else might have seen. And that's thus why I posted the incident here, as I always try to work towards self improvement in anything and everything I do, daily, which is something that ironically enough, people with victim complex BS don't generally do

So with that being said, if some people actually do have some deep-rooted personal issues with me, or take issue with the fact that people living around the globe might hold different values or experiences of life resulting from differing backgrounds, then please, look deeper into your selves and figure something out to solve the issue, but at the say time, please don't involve me in it. 

[fcgamer | 4,754]

Also I'm a bit confused as to why I'm not allowed to make a tongue in cheek joke and make fun of myself without being censored. Is *sshole on the censored list?

[Reed Rothchild | 9,591]

I think for every one of these "Am I the Asshole?" stories from Dave we need a Rashomon-styled series of cuts where we see the perspective of the other parties.  In this case that other party, and either the waiter or the bandmates.

After all, Dave never sees himself doing anything wrong.  Yet he's the common denominator.  We must get to the root of this mystery!

[fcgamer | 4,754]

7 minutes ago, Reed Rothchild said:

I think for every one of these "Am I the Asshole?" stories from Dave we need a Rashomon-styled series of cuts where we see the perspective of the other parties.  In this case that other party, and either the waiter or the bandmates.

After all, Dave never sees himself doing anything wrong.  Yet he's the common denominator.  We must get to the root of this mystery!

Well that's why I'm asking, bro! I mean sitting down at a table where people are sitting and getting ready to order dinner would be considered ballsy, I guess, but moving someone else's items away from said table and then sitting down to order dinner seems ballsy as well, no? I just don't get how the movee (who knows that they moved the instruments from the table) could rationalize that they did nothing wrong, especially when someone else comes up and explains to them that they had been sitting and using that table. But then again, I personally wouldn't go moving peoples stuff from tables if the situation were reversed, so perhaps that's why I can't properly comprehend such situations as these.

[Hammerfestus | 3,890]

Were you drinking?

[Reed Rothchild | 9,591]

Exactly! @fcgamer

Cut to the young couple:

"The table was empty for 20 minutes and her legs were tired so we decided to sit down.  Then this American sat down and made aggressive eye contact with us and we were not exactly sure what was happening.

Cut to the waiter:

My shift is almost over and I just want a cigarette, and suddenly there's this screaming at one of the tables.  And of course you know an American is involved.

Cut to Dave:

...so then I asked them to politely eat dinner with me...

[fcgamer | 4,754]

11 minutes ago, Reed Rothchild said:

Exactly! @fcgamer

Cut to the young couple:

"The table was empty for 20 minutes and her legs were tired so we decided to sit down.  Then this American sat down and made aggressive eye contact with us and we were not exactly sure what was happening.

Cut to the waiter:

My shift is almost over and I just want a cigarette, and suddenly there's this screaming at one of the tables.  And of course you know an American is involved.

Cut to Dave:

...so then I asked them to politely eat dinner with me...

Saying to a couple as you approach them and sit down, "Hello, how are you" is not aggressive. If that is the point we have gotten to in society as a whole, then I'm not sure what to think.

Regarding the bolded word, American, there are a lot of people that look identical to local people, who also are indeed American.

Furthermore, there was no screaming or shouting involved. It was pretty cut and dry, basically people just hate being busted for their bad behavior. 

[fcgamer | 4,754]

15 minutes ago, Hammerfestus said:

Were you drinking?

The entirety of the customers had drinks. Once again though, if anyone is acting belligerent after a single cup of lager at 8PM on a Saturday, honestly they should be thrown out.

[Tulpa | 3,537]

It's always fun watching Dave try to take the moral high ground after getting called out.

Like watching Elizabeth Holmes passing out ice cream to orphans.

[Reed Rothchild | 9,591]

5 minutes ago, fcgamer said:

Saying to a couple as you approach them and sit down, "Hello, how are you" is not aggressive. If that is the point we have gotten to in society as a whole, then I'm not sure what to think.

Regarding the bolded word, American, there are a lot of people that look identical to local people, who also are indeed American.

Furthermore, there was no screaming or shouting involved. It was pretty cut and dry, basically people just hate being busted for their bad behavior. 

Rashomon!

[fcgamer | 4,754]

2 minutes ago, Tulpa said:

It's always fun watching Dave try to take the moral high ground after getting called out.

Like watching Elizabeth Holmes passing out ice cream to orphans.

Definitely something weird going on with the timing...

As for moral ground or not, getting called out for what exactly? Calmly speaking to a couple in their language that they were sitting at a table that we had been using (which even had our stuff sitting there). 

For the record I also am not the kind of guy who takes the liberty to change the radio station at the doctor's office.

[fcgamer | 4,754]

1 minute ago, Reed Rothchild said:

Rashomon!

When's your SFC ratings list coming out? You should get on that, there's a ton of great games you've been missing.

[Reed Rothchild | 9,591]

For the weird timing on the feed, it's been like that for me for awhile

[Reed Rothchild | 9,591]

1 minute ago, fcgamer said:

When's your SFC ratings list coming out? You should get on that, there's a ton of great games you've been missing.

I may do an addendum some day for the Front Missions and Live-a-Lives of the SFC world. We shall see.

[Tulpa | 3,537]

I'm a Time Lord.

 

[fcgamer | 4,754]

2 minutes ago, Reed Rothchild said:

I may do an addendum some day for the Front Missions and Live-a-Lives of the SFC world. We shall see.

Yeah, it would be great to see a look regarding some of the exclusive titles from the other major region. It's a lot of hard work, but it's definitely more than appreciated!

[Tabonga | 2,344]

1 hour ago, fcgamer said:

Saying to a couple as you approach them and sit down, "Hello, how are you" is not aggressive. If that is the point we have gotten to in society as a whole, then I'm not sure what to think

I  went to one of my favorite restauraunts the other day and pulled into the parking lot - in the space next to me was an elderly couple and the husband came around from the back of the pickup carrying a walker - so I backed out and came back in to give them more room.  The husband thanked me and I assured him I was glad to do it.

There was a small line which got bigger even before they got to it.  When I got a table I told the greeter that he could invite them to join me - for some reason he didn't want to that so I did.  They seemed a bit surprised but I pointed out I couldn't use the whole table myself (even if Mrs. Tabonga was still alive I am sure she would have agreed to it what with the walker) so they might as well join me with the understanding we were all responsible for our own bill.  Since they were old geezers like me we actually had a pretty pleasant time talking about "the good old days".

Edited July 16, 2023 by Tabonga