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I'm constantly mis-gendered on the phone (called "ma'am") and it drives me CRAZY!!!!


Estil
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Now just for clarification, I am not talking about the kind of mis-gendering you've heard on the news recently regarding transgender people.  This is more the old fashioned kind of mis-gendering.

By that I mean nearly every time on the phone with customer service or whatever (I purposely don't mention my name at first because I know some might consider it a female name like "Estelle" or something) they call me "ma'am"!!  And it drives me CRAZY!!!!  I've asked around and people insist I don't have a woman's voice yet I get called "ma'am" on the phone nearly every...single...time.  This has occasionally happened even after I've said I'm the husband or son or whatever!!!

Now listen, (to sort of paraphrase Gretchen Wilson) I ain't never been the tough macho alpha male type.  But I am still a guy just the same, aren't I? 😞  I mean is it too much to ask to not be referred to by female pronouns by people on the phone who are guessing gender?  I remember my first job at a Wendy's in the late 90s and its manual said for just this reason to not use gender specific pronouns at the drive-thru so you don't mistakenly call a male "ma'am" or a female "sir".

It just drives me crazy, it really does...I don't know what could be done about this, other than make a Darth Vader voice every time I answer the phone or something but I just had to at least vent somewhere.  Any of the rest of you have a similar issue?  If so what's the best way to handle it?  I know I shouldn't defensively say "I'm not a ma'am!" but it just bothers me so much I often can't help it... 😞

Edited by Estil
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I have a high pitched voice for a guy. It is what it is. I’ve been misgendered a few times. I can’t speak for you or for what sets you off, but I really just don’t let it bother me.

This is the petty asshole in me speaking, but next time it happens you should totally misgender them back. I think I did that once or twice while I worked in customer service. It’s especially funny if it’s some gruff tough guy.

Edited by The Strangest
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2 hours ago, empire said:

Try projecting your voice, you gotta talk through your diaphragm, not your nose. Pretend the person is on the other side of the room.

Also, make sure you don't use "phone voice".   

Notice other people around you when they talk on the phone- they usually soften their voices for some odd reason (and ladies go for an even higher pitch).   No idea why.

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16 minutes ago, captmorgandrinker said:

Also, make sure you don't use "phone voice".   

Notice other people around you when they talk on the phone- they usually soften their voices for some odd reason (and ladies go for an even higher pitch).   No idea why.

I noticed this and purposefully use a deeper monotone. It helped to deal with customers on the phone at work. Wasn't a fan of taking the phone at that job and I think that tone got people to get to the point quicker.

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38 minutes ago, Tulpa said:

Next time you need to make a call, watch six hours of Schwarzenegger movies, eat something insanely deep fried, and drive around in a lifted Ram 3500. That'll have you talking like Brad Garrett in no time.

Mmmmm....crispy fried truck

Now I want to play some Burnout Revenge!

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Dude, this has happened to me, repeatedly, and I have a relatively deep voice. Now, what you've gotta do to combat this is drink copious amounts of hard liquor and consider smoking at least 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Perhaps you could spend most of your time screaming as well. Be sure not to scream at anyone specific. Just scream non stop all day long. Eventually, you'll sound like Clint Eastwood.

 

No but seriously why do people make this mistake so often? You're not alone.
 

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Amusing topic. But I know how it can be frustrating at times. I've never liked the whole assuming someone is a sir or ma'am, mr., mrs., miss, what the fuck does it matter... never liked titles and thus have never used them even in the workplace. Of course I've also been considered blunt, rude or dry, but conversation was never my high point. What others consider as polite language I consider it ass-kissing.

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